You made me cry and you don't even care
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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