Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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