You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
