My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize