It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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