oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
