I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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