i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
