i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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