do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
