im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
