I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
