I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
