when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
