so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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