He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
