so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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