then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
