well I can't set my house on fire every night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
