i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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