just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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