i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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