i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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