okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize