Everything about him screamed your future.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's shark week go big or go home
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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