You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
