You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
