insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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