my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
