Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
