I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
