we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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