well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
