I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize