Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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