i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
