Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
