All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
