what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
