I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
sarcasm needs its own font
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
