i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize