I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This toilet bowl is my home.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
