Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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