Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
