I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
