Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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