i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish i was in the wii world.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
