the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
