He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
