I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
