Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
