We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
