New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
