you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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