Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
