Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
