her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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