I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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