it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
