she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
