the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
