I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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