Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I touched a dick in church today
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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