im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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