singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
