I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
