Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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