he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
