Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
