When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
