Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
