I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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