I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
