normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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