you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize