So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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