I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
