In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
