I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
