So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize