Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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