Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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